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I couldn’t imagine where he could be, but I had countless pages in front of me and speculating on his whereabouts was not going to get me through them. Monday: no answer, message, no return. I was starting to panic. Had something happened to him? Had I done something to scare him away? Or, worse yet, had all this been an elaborate setup to get his revenge on me? I know it sounds ridiculous, especially given the way his family had treated me. That would have taken one huge, whopping conspiracy. Jeff had introduced me to yet another new emotion – insecurity. I didn’t like it. Tuesday, no Jeff. I got his roommate. He didn’t know where Jeff was. No call. Clearly, something was going on but I had no idea what. I heard nothing on Wednesday. It was like he had disappeared from the face of the earth. For a very brief moment I considered calling the FBI until I realized how completely ridiculous that would be. The ache of not knowing where he was, of just not being with him, was overwhelming.. But they did make him smile as he remembered her and they also made him ache in the nicest way to hold little Katryn once more. And THAT gave him what he needed to go on. It was a small and quiet flame deep within his breast, but it was enough. He’d come a long way and he’d been many places, but to him, it was all just the business of being an empty shell who was going through the motions of being alive. Outwardly, he’d found a way to become detached in a way. His crew didn’t need a Kaleun who was a prick because he was miserable. He took his new command out into the Atlantic for an abbreviated war patrol to test them and to force himself to think of other things, though he expected to find little in the way of prey, since this close in, the majority of the convoys were well-protected by patrolling aircraft and were normally all routed a lot farther northward. This was to test the fit between his men and himself. They needed to become a more cohesive unit if he was going to keep.
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